Flirting Behavior of Boys
If my boyfriend loves me as much as he insists, why does he flirt with pretty much every woman who crosses his path? He’ll flirt with our waitress; he’ll flirt with my friends-he even flirts with my mother! I’ve told him that it bothers me, but he says that it’s just who he is and he would never, ever cheat on me. But watching him do that with other girls right in front of me is hurtful and demeaning. Am I being too sensitive? Should I just accept his flirty behavior?
To be honest, flirting and checking out other chicks is just part of being a guy. It makes us feel like we’ve still got game, even if we’re in a relationship. But even though ifs normal for us to flex our muscles and crack stupid jokes around an attractive female, some guys take it too far. These guys tend to be so insecure that they need attention from as many women as possible. Your dude is one of them.
Not only is he obvious and kind of smarmy about it, but the fact that you find his behavior demeaning should be enough to convince him to rein it in. He says he would never cheat on you, but hello? By sizing up the waitress’s butt and sweet-talking your friends, he’s making you feel terrible, which is just as bad as screwing around. You’ve told him that it bothers you, but he doesn’t seem to give a damn about your feelings. So I think you have no choice but to issue him an ultimatum: Either he cuts the crap or you’ll cut him loose.
I’m dating a new guy who is great except for one thing: He always pulls away after sex. He tells me he needs to cool off for a while. He moves away or even leaves the room and tells me not to touch or talk to him for at least 20 minutes. It makes me feel bad. Plus, I like to cuddle afterward! Is this normal? And what can I do about it?
Ifs totally understandable why his “Ew, get away!” act is making you feel so badly. All you want to do is cuddle, and he’s acting like you have cooties. First off, let me reassure you that his behavior is actually quite common and definitely not anything to take personally. So why is he so standoffish after sex? I talked to a shrink who offered a possible explanation for this behavior: On a purely physical level, some guys become totally depleted after an orgasm. Endorphins that get released in his brain act like natural painkillers and zonk him out. As a result, he may just want to chill. And for many men, that doesn’t mean a 30-minute session of spooning and back tickling.
Another theory: When men have sex, we tend to let our guard down. But afterward, some of us wind up feeling embarrassed about exposing our emotions. To protect ourselves, we quickly put a wall back up in order to be less vulnerable. This could be the case with your guy.
The best thing you can do is talk to him about it. Say something like “I noticed that you don’t really want to cuddle after sex, which I can understand, but I need at least a little bit of affection from you. Is there something I can do to make you feel more comfortable with it?” Don’t tell him that he’s being a rude, emotionally closed jerk; don’t tell him what you think he’s feeling; don’t tell him you feel badly for him that he needs to shut down after sex. Instead, give him the chance to explain the reason he pulls back. Once you discuss where you both stand and come up with some solutions – like, say, just 10 minutes of snuggle time – you should be able to find a post carnal middle ground.